Yet again I feel like I can’t catch a break.
Last week was a trial. All my main babysitters went out of town. I worked my solo mom Magic to find care for my daughter both after school and while I’m working. It’s been an interesting dance and I’ve had some amazing friends step up. I’m so grateful for my tribe.
There’s always that stress though of wondering how it’s all going to work out when you need to be somewhere at a certain time and your child needs to be somewhere else. Having her babysitters out of town also means that she’s been with me when she’s not at school and I’m not at work. While we’ve been having great afternoons filled with fun, love, and laughter, I have also been limited in my ability to “get things done”. In one aspect it’s frustrating because I wanted to use this time to get ahead on some projects however I also have been getting to spend a lot of quality time with my child. It’s one of those balancing acts where I don’t feel too bad about it and yet I wish I could have done more.
I often get asked why when my daughter and I are together I “can’t get anything done”. Well she’s just one of those kids that the moment you turn your attention away and start getting into your own thing she suddenly needs your 100% absolute undivided attention for the smallest sometimes most bizarre thing you can imagine and won’t take no for an answer. This used to exasperate me to no end. I’ve had to learn to roll with it. I do what I can around her and I make sure that I can do things near where she is.
But now I’ve run out of time
I am always fighting with time internally and externally. Working as much as I do and juggling childcare in the way that I have this last week are both actors in my ongoing struggle with exhaustion. Several nights this week I have simply gone to bed with the kiddo. While I love getting 10 hours of sleep it also means that I’ve given up at least 2 to 3 hours of time where I can be taken care of things around the house.
But I know that my body mind and soul need the rest.
My first thought is well I’ll just deal with the consequences. Then I realize there really aren’t any consequences. So what if I didn’t get all the projects done, there’s always next week when things go back to normal and my regular support is here. I still get 3 days off next week and yes I will be filling them with various activities but I know there will still be time to get things done most of the stuff I’m doing for myself or my boyfriend just to give us more physical space in the house. We really need to downsize but I have plenty of time to take care of that. I was able to do a little bit of house cleaning this week and I feel good about it every time I can take out a few bags of trash or recycle a few more things. It’s a positive outcome.
One of the things exhaustion has taught me about time management is that it’s useless to beat myself up for not completing and overfill full to-do list. There is nothing to be gained from putting myself down when I’m the one in control of how much I have to do. I need to remember that I don’t control time or other people or other things and have to just go with the changes. Sure I might not get everything done that I wanted to do but I still got some things done there was progress. And that’s what we’re going for semicolon progress not perfection.
This blog is, once again, a great example.
This post was intended for Saturday. I began writing it Friday, and I had every intention of getting up Saturday morning before going into work. But, like I mentioned… kiddo. And then work was a certified mess, and the kid got sick, and… and… And I had to wait. Stop, pause, wait.
So here I am, late Wednesday, just finishing. Of course, more things have happened, but those are for another post. I am grateful though, that I continue to stay this course. It is proving to be therapeutic on many levels. It helps with procrastination, emotional processing, time management, motivation, personal growth. It’s keeping me honest. I really wanted to just give up this week, but I know how good this is for me. I don’t want to lose that.