Well, that was an unplanned hiatus.
I have been exhausted in every form. This exhaustion led to a paradox. Blogging is part of my self-care, but my greater self-care meant stepping away. I have been so thoroughly tired that it has been mentally hard to focus, sort, and define my thoughts, and physically hard to make the time to put my words down. Truly though, the hiatus was only from print, not from thought. While my publishing may have gone dormant, my commitment to brainstorming for this blog never did. There was just too much this last two months. Too much of everything.
WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT EXHAUSTION!
Exhaustion is a beast.
It’s the elephant in the room. Which is why I’m here now today. Because finally, this week, the last day of January, on the final day of January, I feel ready to relaunch. Softly, for sure, but I’m ready to be HERE. To be present. I have been wiped out for over a month. With holidays, school, family, illness, housework, work work, relationships, the whole freaking world.
And I’m seeing you, sisters mamas*. I’m seeing us, in this separately, rather than together NOT TALKING about how exhausted we are. I’m seeing and feeling that yes, men just don’t get it. This is a PROBLEM. We have a PROBLEM. Specifically as mothers. Every mother is a working mother. And there just isn’t enough care for us. Our culture does not support it. We need to know better, do better, be better.
So I’m here to break this open. There is SO MUCH to talk about.
Exhaustion can lead to and is part of depression
I am keenly aware of this fact. Depression runs in my family, specifically on my matrilineal side. While this is not a medical issue for me now, I believe that having this knowledge keeps it from becoming my issue. I have been able, so far, to self-regulate and adapt to my personal emotional needs. One way I do this is to ACCEPT the exhaustion.
Acceptance is self care
This is new and it is huge. I have never experienced exhaustion on the level of the past month, and honestly, it’s a bit scary. Several breakdowns have occurred. It’s been rough on my family and home life. But I INSIST on my time and space. It’s a daily struggle. Even after recognizing what I need, and becoming able to vocalize it, there are moments where it feels too much. I need to remember that I cannot function if I do not take care of myself, and then I can’t take care of anyone else. I deserve better, for both myself and my child. And so, I make the self care decision to accept that I just need to do nothing sometimes.
Never judge another’s self care
My partner sometimes has an issue with HOW I “do nothing”. To him, zoning out at the computer, watching videos and reading articles, seems distant and lazy. I finally found a way to explain it so he can understand. My exhaustion makes me easily overwhelmed, which causes unproductive emotional responses. Giving physical space helps me recenter. Feeding my brain information helps it relax.
Everyone has different things they do for self care. We are in the midst of a self care revolution, if you believe the internet. But it’s not all spa days, shopping sprees, girl’s nights, and sweet-eating. It’s setting up your planner for the month. Planning the next week of meals and prepping some. Locking yourself in the bathroom for ten minutes and just breathing by yourself.
Self Care is absolutely ANYTHING that refills your well
I started this blog as an act of self care. I stepped away from it for the same reason. I am back again for yet the same. As I have already said, in this last month plus, I have realized how much work there is, to help others, to help myself, to share and create a better, stronger community. I am more aware of my personal limits, and how I can set myself up to succeed. My hope is that translates to the success of others.
We NEED more cohesion, sister mamas*. It is unimportant to me to be famous or widely known, but I want to be WELL known, as someone speaking truth to the hidden. For bringing to light the unspoken commonalities. For letting my community know you are not alone, and there is support. You are loved and supported.